We Love You, Baby Hope

     I am very, very sorry to share that little Baby Hope passed away in December.

     She was the most inspiring, playful, resilient and happy handicapped kitten I've ever met.  She lived with so much love and hopefulness for a long and healthy life.  No one could ever forget her, because Baby Hope touched all our hearts.  

     We love you and will miss you, Baby Hope.

Update on A Friend with RA in Need: Sharon Yoshizu

     Good news!  My friend Sharon successfully had surgery to fuse her neck/spine yesterday!


Sharon and her husband, Brad

     She is doing very well and expects to recover within the next six months (hopefully sooner!)  I am so happy and relieved for Sharon and her family.  Now they can focus on recovery and we all want Sharon to be free from the pain she's been suffering for the last several years.  Through it all, Sharon has remained positive and grateful for everything.  She is an amazing person!

    If you are interested, please visit Sharon's fundraising page here.  Thank you for helping Sharon live as fully as possible!

The Most Beautiful People

     "The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen."

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

To all who live with rheumatoid arthritis: We are beautiful

Hope Update #1

     Lovely little Hope is doing much better!  I visited her recently, armed with supplies and toys!  Hope was so happy playing with her new mice!

     Click here to watch baby Hope play!  So super adorable!

     Hope's leg is slowly healing, and she loves all of her visitors.  She's approximately two months old and I swear this kitten doesn't know she's not like other kitties.  She hops to you and "hunts" her toys (complete with butt wiggle) and welcomes all visitors with her sweet personality. 

     When she is old enough and her body is stronger, she will have her surgeries and her rescue parents intend to give Hope wheels so she can run and play with everyone!

     Please continue sending your warm thoughts and prayers to Hope!  They are helping her thrive!

     Hope's fundraising page

     808 Animal Rescue's instagram page (regular updates here!)

Living with a Chronic Illness Requires Courage

     In my last post, I discussed whether or not living with a chronic illness is heroic.  In my opinion, it is not.  Today, I want to share my thoughts on why courage is required for living with a chronic illness.

     I don't see myself as heroic for living with rheumatoid arthritis, but I do consider myself courageous for living with this disease.  This is not because I want to appear as such to others; rather, it is because there is no way to face life with RA without courage.

     Courage means facing some form of difficulty despite the fear it may cause.  Living courageously with RA means I live my life as best as I can despite my fears.  It gives me strength to handle a life filled with pain and uncertainty.  I don't know if I'll feel good or bad tomorrow.  Courage allows me to get through each day whether I feel fantastic or fatigued.

     I need courage when I visit my rheumatologist, to listen to test results and to remind myself to breathe slowly during a blood test.  I need courage to ask questions of my doctors or pharmacist when I don't understand what a drug is or what it will do for me.  I need courage to dispute medical charges on an insurance bill with people who view me as a number on a file instead of a human being.  I need courage when I interact with others who have no idea how I'm actually feeling.  Sometimes, I need courage just to get out of bed.

     Courage is essential.  Without it, I wouldn't be able to write.  I wouldn't feel like my thoughts are meaningful.  I wouldn't believe that sharing my experience with RA could educate or comfort another person.  Without courage, I would give up.

Is Living with a Chronic Illness Heroic?

     I have a friend who has mentioned to me several times that I am an "inspiration" to her for living through pain each day and enduring all that comes with rheumatoid arthritis.  She tells me she admires my strength and doesn't know if she could ever handle life with chronic pain.

     While I'm grateful for my friend's thoughtfulness in sharing this with me, I find her comments very curious.  Why does she think life with an illness, incurable or otherwise, is heroic?  Is my life really that different from hers?  Isn't everyone living heroically in some way?

     If I focus on details such as multiple medications, constant fatigue, insomnia, and visiting doctors and phlebotomists every other month, then yes, my life is probably much different from hers.  She most likely does not have to deal with the frustrating bureaucracy of the health care system.  Germs and handshakes probably aren't a huge problem for her.

     Does the fact that my life includes such details mean I am a hero?  I really don't think so.

     Honestly, I don't really have a choice in how I live my life with regard to health.  I have to take the medication, find ways to alleviate fatigue and insomnia, and see my doctor and get blood tests even if I don't want to.  This is my life.  This is my reality.  It's simply the way it is.

     So is it heroic to get out of bed in the morning even though I barely slept?  Am I considered strong when I continue typing even though my fingers hurt?  Is it heroic to say "I'm fine" when someone asks how I am, even though I am never actually "fine"?

     I think what my friend really means is she can't quite understand how I live with RA.  She would find ways to deal with it if she had a chronic illness too, she just can't see that right now. If one doesn't have an illness, one can't truly understand what life is like with an illness.  The only way is to live it.

     I see myself as no different from my friend.  I have obligations and responsibilities, bills to pay and loved ones to support.  I enjoy my hobbies, vacations and holidays.  I endure the tough times and celebrate the good times.  Every person is living with some form of pain.

     I'm not a hero, just a person who happened to wake up one day with RA.

A Friend with RA in Need: Sharon Yoshizu

     One of the more difficult aspects of living with RA for me has been finding other people who have had an experience similar to mine.  I have not found another person in Hawaii whose experience parallels my own, but I was introduced to an incredible young woman who helped me when I really needed someone to just get it.

     I was blessed to be introduced to my friend Sharon Yoshizu.  She is incredibly inspiring.  Sharon has suffered with RA since age 21 and has a young daughter who was born with JRA.  Sharon also required neck surgery several years ago that resulted in a stroke, from which she is still trying to recover.  She has been on just about every RA drug available, moving on to the next drug when her body stops responding to treatment.  

     Sharon is amazing to me because, despite the pain; surgeries; stroke; inability to work and failure of treatment, she continues to be hopeful and help anyone in any way she can.  We had not met when I was put in contact with her through our local Arthritis Foundation chapter.  However, Sharon immediately called and reassured me when I was facing a difficult treatment.  She'd been there, she understood.  It didn't matter that we didn't know each other; I also had RA and needed help, so she decided to help.  

     I am so grateful for Sharon and her unlimited empathy and kindness.  I've decided to share her story here because it is one way for me to return her kindness. Sharon needs multiple surgeries and has been unable to find a willing surgeon in Hawaii.  She and her family are moving to California to try to get the help she needs.  This is a huge but unavoidable expense and her family is asking for your help.

      Please take a moment to read about Sharon and her family here.  If you are able, please donate.

     Thank you for any love and support you are able to give Sharon and the Yoshizu family. 

Welcome!

     Welcome to my blog!  I've decided to share my experience with Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) with the hope that my writing may comfort and inspire others living with the same illness.  This was not an easy decision; I am a very private person who prefers to live quietly.  Thus the name of this blog - Quiet Resilience to me means striving toward the ability to overcome constant adversity through quiet inner strength.

     Your respectful comments are welcome, as are any stories you may want to share with me or other readers of this blog.  I hope you will enjoy and find meaningful connection to my writing.  Thank you for reading!